Cookery Book


Let me look, look in your book.
Let me look, in your cookery book. 

Let me look, look in your book.
Let me look, in your cookery book. 

Take one large elephant
One gallon of oil

One hundred onions
And a pound of chillies 
Add a pinch of salt
Chop the elephant into small pieces
Fry the onions
Add elephant
and cook on a low heat for 4 weeks

Let me look, look in your book.
Let me look, in your cookery book.

Lunch for one
Isn't fun for anyone
Cook for two
Is what you need to do

Take one moose
And lots of chocolate
A bucket of cream
Chop the moose into chunks
And fold in the cream
Simmer till March
Or until it turns brown
Then cover with chocolate
and it's ready to eat

Let me look, look in your book.
Let me look, in your cookery book. 

Pea soup.

Lunch for one 
isn't fun for anyone
cook for two
is what you need to do

Take one chicken 
One banana 
One hundred chillies
Twelve onions
Six eggs
One pint of lager
One packet of crisps
Place the ingredients into a large pan
And leave for three weeks

 


Cookery Book

© Tyrone Schulace and his Pals 2013 



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Corduroy Kingston


Corduroy Kingston, he's unique
He places his ads nearly every week
The ladies answer - but all should beware
He dried those dishes with his underwear...

Corduroy Kingston, he's full of surprises
Even his ears are of different sizes
One is very small and of no use at all
The other one's huge and wins prizes
Oh Corduroy

Bitter, unsuccessful loser
wallowing in an unending sea of inert drooping loneliness
looking for a twenty three year old needy leach-like hanger-on

Local man, medium build, seeks alibi for Thursday night
anything considered

Bad tempered, foul mouthed, barnacled, sea-faring man
seeks attractive twenty one year old blonde lady with big chest

Corduroy Kingston lonely hearts
Placing his ads in Exchange & Mart
Serving up charisma only it's tinned
His nose hair's always blowing in the wind

Oh Corduroy
Hmmm Corduroy

Corduroy Kingston, he's unique
He places his ads nearly every week
The ladies answer - but all should beware
He dried those dishes with his underwear

Oh Corduroy Corduroy Kingston
Oh Corduroy Corduroy Kingston